Last Updated on 1 month by Saiful Islam
Being an introvert doesn’t mean we dislike people. Many of us introverts genuinely want to connect with others.
But sometimes, our brains seem to get in the way. We find ourselves dominating the conversation and, before we know it, steering every topic back to ourselves, even when we know we shouldn’t.
I’ve been there. As an introvert who’s constantly pushing myself out of my comfort zone, I’ve had plenty of awkward “it’s all about me” moments.
The good news is that breaking this self-centered conversation habit is entirely possible.
Let’s call it a journey of self-discovery that unlocks more fulfilling connections.
Table of Contents
- 1 Why Do I, As an Introvert, Keep Making Conversations About Myself?
- 2 My ‘Aha!’ Moment: Recognizing the Problem
- 3 Why It’s Important to Stop Making Conversations About You
- 4 How Do I Stop Making Conversations All About Me?
- 5 Bonus Tips for Staying Present in Conversations
- 6 Embracing the Journey of Self-Discovery
- 7 FAQs: How to Stop Making Conversations All About Me
Why Do I, As an Introvert, Keep Making Conversations About Myself?
So why do we, as introverts, sometimes struggle with keeping the focus off ourselves in conversations? Here are some key reasons:
Anxiety and Social Discomfort
Socializing can be nerve-wracking for introverts. Talking about ourselves can be a defense mechanism. We stick to familiar ground—our own experiences and thoughts—to feel a sense of control. It’s easy to get into topics we know well, especially when we’re anxious or overwhelmed.
Excitement and Rare Moments of Openness
When I do get comfortable enough to open up, everything I’ve been feeling inside tends to spill out at once. It’s not that I want to dominate the conversation; I have so much to share, and it feels like my turn to finally speak after being quiet for so long.
Filling Awkward Silences
Introverts hate awkward silences. We often rush to fill the space to avoid uncomfortable pauses, even if what we say is all about us. This is a way to keep the conversation flowing, but it can unintentionally turn into a monologue.
Self-Focus as a Coping Strategy
Sometimes, it’s easier to talk about ourselves because it helps us avoid the discomfort of discussing topics we’re familiar with. This isn’t about narcissism—it’s about trying to navigate conversations without feeling lost or out of place.
True Narcissism
Though it’s rare, its overbearing focus on the self can sometimes be a sign of narcissistic tendencies. However, for most of us, it’s less about being self-centered and more about anxiety or lack of conversational practice.
My ‘Aha!’ Moment: Recognizing the Problem
For me, the realization came when my friends started playfully saying things like, “Okay, let’s change the topic now…” Ouch! That’s when I knew something needed to shift. If you’re worried you might be falling into this pattern, watch for signs.
Let’s get real with some subtle (and not-so-subtle) signs it might be time to adjust your conversational style:
Signs You’re Making the Conversation About You:
- Glazed-over looks from others: If people’s eyes start to lose focus, it’s a good indication that they’re zoning out.
- Awkward pauses after you finish talking: If people seem hesitant to jump in after you’ve spoken, they might be waiting for a chance to talk.
- Fidgeting or checking their phones: These are classic signs that someone is politely trying to find an exit.
- One-word answers: When others give minimal responses, it might be their subtle way of showing disinterest.
- People changing the subject: If people keep steering the conversation away from what you’re saying, it’s a sign they’d like to talk about something else.
Why It’s Important to Stop Making Conversations About You
Making conversations about ourselves can have some pretty harmful effects—both for us and the people we’re trying to connect with.
Missed Opportunities for Connection
When we are too focused on ourselves, we miss the chance to understand the other person. Conversations should be two-way streets where both people feel heard and valued. If they are all about us, we lose that opportunity for genuine connection.
Strained Relationships
Nobody enjoys one-sided conversations for long. If we make it a habit of steering every conversation back to ourselves, people may start to distance themselves, even if they value our friendship.
Loss of Self-Insight
When we’re always talking, we’re not listening. And when we’re not listening, we miss out on valuable insights about ourselves and others. The best conversations are those where both sides learn something new.
How Do I Stop Making Conversations All About Me?
So, how can we break this habit? It takes time and self-awareness, but here are some practical steps to help make your conversations more balanced and meaningful.
Become More Self-Aware
The first step is awareness. Start paying attention to how you talk in conversations. Are you constantly bringing the focus back to yourself? If so, don’t beat yourself up—acknowledge the pattern and make a note to improve.
Shift Your Focus to the Other Person
Instead of thinking about what you’ll say next, focus on what the other person says. Ask yourself:
- “Am I genuinely curious about what this other person thinks and feels?”
- “Can I give them space to be the focus of this conversation?”
- “Is there a way to connect what they’re saying to my own experiences, rather than hijacking the narrative?”
Practice Active Listening
Active listening is a superpower in conversations. Make eye contact, nod to show you’re engaged, and try paraphrasing what the other person said to confirm you understand. For example, say, “It sounds like you had a tough day. Tell me more about that.”
Ask Open-Ended Questions
Questions that start with “how,” “what,” or “tell me about” are open-ended and encourage others to share more.
For instance, instead of saying, “I had a terrible day too, let me tell you about it,” try asking, “How was your day? What happened?”
Celebrate the ‘And’ Mindset
Find ways to connect without making it all about you. Instead of, “That happened to me too!” try, “That sounds challenging, and I can imagine how that must have felt for you.”
This allows you to acknowledge their experience without shifting the focus to yourself.
Give Yourself a Pause
If you feel yourself about to take over the conversation, pause. Take a deep breath, give yourself a moment, and then let the other person continue. This will stop you from unintentionally dominating the discussion.
Be Patient With Yourself
Change doesn’t happen overnight. You’ll have awkward moments, but that’s okay. What’s important is that you’re making progress, not striving for perfection.
Bonus Tips for Staying Present in Conversations
- Take a Breather: If you feel yourself about to launch into a monologue, take a brief pause. A few deep breaths can center you and prevent a conversational takeover.
- Choose Your Moments: Be discerning. Some people truly enjoy listening; sharing more about yourself might be appropriate for them. For others, holding back is important.
- Seek Feedback: If you’re brave, confide in a trusted friend. Let them know you’re working on this, and ask for honest feedback on whether you’re improving.
- Therapy: If you suspect your “all about me” tendencies might be extreme or rooted in deeper issues, therapy can be transformative.
Embracing the Journey of Self-Discovery
Changing how we approach conversations is a journey—not a quick fix. As introverts, embracing our natural tendencies and learning to engage with others more mindfully is essential.
Becoming a better listener doesn’t mean losing yourself; it means creating space for more meaningful interactions.
In making the effort, we can foster deeper connections where both sides feel valued. It’s a beautiful way to create more authentic conversations.
Let’s Discuss
Have you tried any of these tactics? What’s helped you become a more balanced conversationalist? Share your tips below!
FAQs: How to Stop Making Conversations All About Me
A: It’s common for people, especially introverts, to talk about themselves in conversations out of anxiety or a need to fill awkward silences. Sometimes, it’s a coping mechanism to feel in control of social interactions.
A: The key to being less self-centered is to listen to others actively. Focus on what the other person is saying, ask open-ended questions, and try to shift the attention away from yourself by showing genuine interest in their thoughts and experiences.
A: Introverts can improve social skills by practicing active listening, asking thoughtful questions, and shifting the focus to the other person in conversations. Engaging in small, meaningful interactions can help build confidence over time.
A: You can stop dominating conversations by becoming aware of how much you’re speaking and consciously allowing pauses for the other person to share their thoughts. Using open-ended questions and taking pauses to reflect helps maintain a balanced conversation.
A: Introverts may feel anxious in social situations because they often feel overstimulated or overwhelmed in environments with many people or extended conversations. It’s normal, but learning coping techniques like deep breathing and active listening can help ease that anxiety.
A: Good conversation starters for introverts include open-ended questions such as “What do you enjoy doing in your free time?” or “How did you get into your current line of work?” These questions allow others to share more, giving you the chance to listen and engage meaningfully.
